Who is afraid of the big bad wolf?
Turns out I am, or was... still trying to work through that nugget.
Up until Valentine’s Day this year, I was beyond terrified of scary movies. I had dabbled with spooky flicks as a teenager with Jeepers Creepers, The Ring, and The Grudge (tbh, I’d watch anything with Sarah Michelle Gellar), but I wasn’t that fussed by them. It was only during the 2005 hurricane season and in the aftermath of Wilma in South Florida, where I was alone in my apartment for two days, wholly unprepared and scared shitless, that I swore off anything that would scare me for the next two decades.
Fast forward to 2024, and a lot of life has happened since that October day. I have been married and divorced, lived in New York and London, had a bunch of big and little jobs, and went through The Great Recession and a global pandemic. However, if one were to mention The Purge, even the faintest reference to that film would send me into a tizzy. Home invasions and resurrected zombies aside, even movies like 2012, Contagion, and the Scream series were a no-go for me. In a nutshell, I was a big ‘ol scaredy cat.
The specifics are a bit fuzzy as my dear friend Cham and I were firmly on the rosé train, but in trying to solidify our Valentine’s Day plans, we talked about doing a beige dinner and a scary flick. I probably shrieked or made some sort of strange sound, which is par the course for me, but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to fight against the fear. The feeling was similar to the scene in Home Alone where Kevin McCallister finally confronts the demonic furnace by telling it to “shut up.” Whether I liked it or not, my fear had been running the show… and it wasn’t just about the scary flicks.
The problem is that I used to be fearless. Maybe you can chalk it up to youth, but with each passing year, that resolute determination started to fade into the distance — much like my desire to spend evenings stepping on sticky dance floors or staying in hostels during my many solo adventures.
Despite my mumblings, I’m enjoying getting older. There is a quiet luxury in understanding who you are and appreciating the little gems that pass you by in between milestone moments. However, I would be amiss if I didn’t suggest that the pandemic accelerated an internal desire for safety and ease, as it did for many people. As much as I had grown accustomed to craving this comfort, I knew if I wanted to shake up my post-Lady Rona existence, I’d need to make some bold moves. There was a mantra I kept repeating to myself during this time, “Be scared, but do it anyway.”
This newfound pivot towards the scary started easily enough: a cheesetastic film versus a line-up of hell-raising monsters, and we settled on Five Nights at Freddy's. It was a wise choice to reintroduce me to the genre, but after the movie finished, I thought… “That’s it?”
It’s not that I anticipated a PG-13 movie would be the solution, but it started to warm the dark waters I had in my mind. Collectively, we ramped up our efforts with Immaculate, Get Out, and Our House, but then I made the choice to watch the aforementioned The Purge alone. It wasn’t planned, but an impromptu decision I made one Saturday night. It turns out that the film wasn’t scary either and, in fact, was beyond stupid. At least Five Nights at Freddy’s starred Matthew Lillard, one of my teenage crushes to keep my eyes entertained. What can I say? I love a nerdy guy in glasses.
After watching The Purge, I realised how I let the perceived version of fear keep me in a chokehold versus experiencing the actual reality of the situation. How many years have I been terrified of this silly movie to realise I had to break the hold I let it keep over me? This could be said for so many things in my life. It had become way too easy to build up something in my head for it to be a total dud or not a big deal at all. Naturally, with this realisation came so many other ways in which I could live with a little more “I’m scared, but will do it anyway” panache. This exercise was similar to training for a race or anything that takes a bit of practice like learning a language. I wasn’t going to be a pro on day one or even day 97, but it was about making small conscious choices each and every day to build up that little muscle.
Some days we’re about partaking in a new activity or standing up to someone rude, while other moments, I felt an urge in my belly and was booking the big trip or connecting with someone I admired. It was about rewiring my way of thinking and relishing in the thrill of doing something different.
Below are a few of the more notable moments where I took the plunge:
Took a step back from the corporate world to focus on personal projects for a while.
Worked on that long-overdue book proposal (though it’s still very much in progress).
Emailed one of my favourite writers asking if she would be my Jacqueline to my Jane (hope ya’ll will get The Bold Type reference).
Bought and rocked the new sparkly swimsuit even though I still haven’t been able to hit my 2024 goal weight.
Went wake surfing for the first time at a lake near London’s Heathrow Airport and it turns out I was pretty decent at it.
Pitched a big newspaper for a glossy feature (got commissioned, but then it got stuck in a legal no-go zone).
Dropped into Glen Powell’s DMs asking if he’d like to go for a dog walk the next time he’s in London.
Restarted this Substack.
Sometimes, making the bold choice pays off; other times, it doesn’t or falls somewhere in between. Don’t get me wrong, I still get nervous and anxious and drag my feet on things I know I need to do, but I have to keep reminding myself of how easy it is to fall into the fear trap. Similar to those scary flicks, the character’s time can come before they want, but if you’re a little lucky and manage to fight back, sometimes you can live to see another day.
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. In the coming months, I will publish more posts on my Substack. I’ll write about all types of things, such as personal stories and bring back lots of fashion, style, beauty, and travel stories reminiscent of my StyleBomb blogger days.
As a taster, here is one of my favourite header images I published over a decade ago when Tiffani Amber Thiessen graced us with her presence on White Collar and I couldn’t get enough of her effortlessly cool ‘90s style.
In the meantime, see ya in a while, crocodile! And remember to subscribe.